FRITINANCY OF THE CICADA
Now I set my explanation
down before a grateful nation.
This my paper proving tinnitus is sexually transmitted:
learned, referenced and cited,
set before my peers delighted,
shows that sufferers are more to be condemned than pitied.
There’s a mate of mine called Fritzy
who now willingly admits he
met his match and met his measure when he met with Kindly Nance.
Sure the people called her Kindly,
but Fritz clearly had in mind he
could dampen down her kindness if he locked her underpants.
I can’t think of Fritz and Nancy,
but I think of fritinancy.
Fritinancy of cicadas as they rub their hairy knees.
Just like the locusts’ high pitched song
my bloody ears both sing along
with the whining of the insects twitter twittering in the trees.
I had written Fritz a letter
And I should have known better
‘cause he wrote back saying “Nancy has gone whoring down the Cross.”
And I sometimes rather fancy
kindly set my ears a-ringing, which the Docs call tinnitus.
And I also rather fancy
Fritz would like to change with Nancy,
like to take a turn in high-heels and suspenders half on show.
Like to tie ‘em up and spank ‘em
With a tickling stick and thank ‘em
And if that’s a euphemism I shall claim I didn’t know.
Thus I prove that fritinancy,
though it can sound somewhat fancy,
is transmitted first and foremost by the ladies of the night
or by their loving spouses
who, rather’n sit around the houses,
will sometimes substitute for them and give the mugs a fright.